Supporting Foster Children Through the Holidays
The holiday season is often described as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. But for many children in foster care, this time of year brings a complex mix of emotions. While the lights, music, and gatherings feel festive to others, children who have experienced trauma or separation may feel overwhelmed, anxious, or unsure of where they belong. Understanding these emotions is one of the most important ways foster parents can create a sense of safety and connection during the holidays.
Why the Holidays Can Be Emotionally Complicated for Foster Children
Traditions and celebrations can trigger memories—some comforting, some difficult, and some unresolved. Even when a child enjoys new experiences with their foster family, they may feel guilty for having fun or worry about being disloyal to their parents. This emotional tension is normal for foster children during a season that emphasizes family togetherness.
Holidays often intensify:
Feelings of grief, loss, and uncertainty
Confusion about where they belong or who they should celebrate with
These emotional layers do not reflect ingratitude. They reflect the reality of navigating two worlds at once.
Common Emotional Responses Foster Parents Might Notice
Because emotions are heightened during the holidays, foster parents may see shifts that seem out of character. A child who is usually outgoing may withdraw. Others may become more sensitive or reactive because overstimulation elevates stress levels.
You might observe:
Withdrawal or shutting down
Regression such as clinginess, baby talk, or sleep issues
Irritability or anger
Overexcitement followed by sudden emotional crashes
These responses are trauma-informed clues that a child is trying to make sense of big emotions in a stressful season.
Preparing Yourself First: Managing Expectations and Staying Grounded
One of the best ways foster parents can prepare for holiday emotions is by adjusting their own expectations. A successful holiday isn’t defined by a perfect schedule or flawless traditions—it’s defined by emotional safety and connection.
A few helpful conversation starters to use include:
“It’s okay to feel sad today.”
“You’re safe here—we’ll get through this together.”
Planning for flexibility, allowing breaks, and being willing to change plans helps keep the environment calm and supportive.
Create Predictability to Reduce Holiday Anxiety
Children with trauma histories often struggle with unexpected changes. Providing structure during the holiday season helps them feel more secure.
You can support predictability by:
Sharing the holiday schedule in advance
Maintaining consistent routines like bedtime and mealtimes
Preparing children for who they will see and where they will go
These small steps give children a sense of control during an unpredictable time.
Supporting Emotional Needs With Connection and Empathy
Giving children space to express their feelings is crucial. Some may want to talk, others may prefer quiet activities like drawing or journaling. Including one or two traditions from their family of origin—when appropriate—can help reduce loyalty conflict and build trust.
Simple gestures such as making a familiar recipe, writing a card, or scheduling a phone call to their birth family can affirm their identity and honor their story.
After visits or calls, children often experience emotional ups and downs. Offering reassurance, helping them name their feelings, and providing a quiet space to decompress can make these transitions easier.
When to Reach Out for Extra Support
Foster parents are not expected to navigate complicated holiday emotions alone. If a child’s behavior escalates, if they express fear or hopelessness, or if their emotional swings feel overwhelming, reach out for support. Your agency can help you process concerns, problem-solve, and stabilize situations before they become crises.
Conclusion: Creating a Season of Safety and Belonging
The holidays can be meaningful and healing, but they can also bring emotional challenges for children in foster care. With preparation, empathy, and a trauma-informed approach, foster parents can create a holiday season that centers on safety, identity, and belonging. Restore TFC is here to support you every step of the way, providing the tools and guidance you need to help children feel secure and loved during the holidays and beyond.