The Talk: How Do I Talk to My Spouse About My Desire to Foster?
You feel the pull to foster—but how do you bring your partner into the conversation?
Thinking about becoming a foster parent is a big step. It often starts quietly—maybe after a story on the news, a post on social media, a conversation with a friend, or a moving sermon. You start to wonder: “Could we do that?” And before long, it becomes “I think I want to do this.” But what happens when your spouse hasn’t caught that same vision—yet?
At Restore Therapeutic Foster Care, we’ve walked with many families on this journey. We know that fostering is a decision that takes unity, clarity, and trust. If you’re feeling called to foster but aren’t sure how to bring it up with your spouse, here are a few things to keep in mind.
1. Start with a conversation—not a commitment.
The goal of the first talk isn’t to convince them or get a “yes.” It’s to open the door. You might say: “I’ve been thinking about something that’s been on my heart, and I’d love to hear your thoughts.” Share what moved you—maybe a child’s story, a personal experience, or just a growing desire to make a difference. Let them know you value their input and want to explore it together.
2. Acknowledge the weight of the decision.
Foster care is beautiful, but it’s also hard. Your spouse may hesitate not because they don’t care—but because they do. They may be thinking about finances, stress, time, or how it might impact your children. Let them know you’ve thought about the challenges, too. Say something like: “I know this would impact our whole family. I’m not saying we should rush into it—I just want to learn more and see if this could be part of our story.”
3. Invite them into the process.
Sometimes, resistance comes from fear or not knowing enough. Offer to explore it together.
Watch a short video about fostering
Attend an info session (no commitment required!)
Read blog posts or listen to a podcast about foster care
Reach out to an agency like Restore TFC to ask questions
Fostering isn’t a solo decision—and when both partners feel heard and informed, they’re more likely to move forward together.
4. Be patient—every journey starts differently.
In many of our Restore families, one person was ready before the other. And that’s okay. Give your spouse space to process. Keep the conversation open, not pressured. Let your actions reflect your heart: patient, thoughtful, and full of love—not just for a child in care, but for the family you already have.
5. Pray, reflect, and revisit.
If faith is part of your family’s foundation, take time to pray together. Ask for unity, wisdom, and clarity. Invite trusted mentors or friends into the conversation if it feels right. Remember—just because you feel ready now doesn’t mean the timing is off if your spouse isn’t. Keep the door open. Sometimes the seed is planted now, and the “yes” comes later.
You're Not Alone—We're Here to Help
Whether you’re just dreaming or ready to take the next step, our team at Restore TFC is here to support you both.